You make it HURT so GOOD

We broke TWO toys last night. That is to say – my ASS broke two toys last night. I’ve never been more proud 😍 A friend created a new fetish on FetLife to mark the occasion (seeing as two weeks ago someone broke a blood vessel in their hand smacking her ass). We are the fucking BOSS BOTTOM BITCHES.


It’s been twelve hours and I’m still high AF! I slept maybe two hours last night cuz my body is still zinging with sensation. Holy wow. Two scenes with the same player, marking our 2nd and 3rd scenes respectively. It’s just so incredible to meet someone that you can play with intuitively so quickly. This person is great at respecting boundaries – which is just the fucking icing on the mostest deliciousest cake. There were a few times that I nearly broke my OWN boundaries, the energy flow between us was so intense, but I managed to contain myself somehow, someway. There’s always next time, right?

God – it is time for next time yet?!?



I’m feeling a bit rambunctious today. There are so many things that I “have” to do these days, what with school and life and whatnot, that part of me relishes the idea of mini rebellions. I can’t act out too terribly in class but I for sure can drag my heels, kick, scream, throw a tantrum, etc in other areas.

Most of my naughtiness is playful and not intended to harm. I want to revel and I want others to enjoy the moment with me.

If you slap my hand as I pull you closer when you kiss me – be prepared for more than just that raised eyebrow. I might let you get away with it for the moment, and calmly put my hand back up on that cross as directed, but don’t let my ostensible obedience make you complacent. I’m looking for my opportunity to poke the sadist when the sadist is least expecting it.

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I’m not asking to be forced to submit, that’s not my jam, I’m looking for a partner in crime. I’m looking for someone who will play with me. What we do is called play for a reason. If you’re not having fun while you do it, you and I aren’t compatible.

In fact, I’m likely to use my obedience to throw you off. Just when you’ve put me in the “won’t take orders of any kind” box in your brain … I’ll hold my breath on command. It doesn’t hurt that the flame to light my clove keeps going out, so I’m really being selfish in my obedience… *snicker*

My playfulness ramps up more and more as I come to adore people. The ones I love best are the ones I play with most. The ones who respond beautifully to my fickle sense of fun and meet the challenge with mischievous deviousness. 😍

My hand is out to you … and my smirk is firmly in place.


Reinventing the wheel

One of the things I hope to leverage from my new status as a titleholder is the chance to build a class and/or workshop that I feel is missing – even considering the zillions of classes and events available on the local erobay calendar. This is something that I’ve been thinking about ever since I came into the kink and leather scenes but has become more prominent in my mind ever since my consent was violated in mid-July.

I’ve spoken with a number of friends and more experienced players that support my class idea but I’ve found myself feeling stuck in terms of how to go about actually putting the swirling mass of my ideas into a proposal and legitimate class. Something that people can not only recognise the need for but would want to attend. Something that would engage people.


I had a conversation last night with someone that has a class idea closely aligned with mine and something she said triggered a memory of a book that I read ages ago when I was still considering the idea of kink and hadn’t yet had the courage to dip my toe into the proverbial pool.

I feel like the universe has been hinting about this book at me for ages. Another friend used raffle winnings at my title contest to acquire a hard copy, though they already have an electronic copy. A new person in my life is closely connected to the author of the book and we’ve talked about the work that author does in our community and how it could benefit both myself and the person who violated my consent (assuming he someday understands that what he did was wrong).

I re-read portions of that book this morning and I feel revitalised. YES! THIS! I’ve been struggling with how to reinvent the wheel and I’ve had this builder’s manual all along!


This is a common struggle among learners and educators. We have wonderful ideas; we know that others have likely paved the road ahead of us but our map doesn’t acknowledge its existence. Plus there’s the pressure to come up with new things, new ideas and concepts, new perspectives –> anything to keep the material fresh and engaging. I’m an advocate for updating the resources we have available but it hit me this morning that I also need to inventory those resources.

Here again – those inventory lists absolutely exist and there’s no reason for me to start a new one from scratch. I simply need to update one to incorporate my impressions of the resources so that others folks seeking help don’t need to start completely from scratch in the way that I did.

Three cheers for streamlining the wheel instead of trying to conceptualise an entirely new one, only to have someone point out the hundreds of thousands of wheels that have come before!


My quads hate me

After this weekend’s events, I can’t really walk properly today (😏). Most of my soreness hit yesterday and is more or less resolved but my quads are still upset with me in a big way – in an “I need to brace myself to sit down on the toilet” way.

This sure was an active weekend and I have absolutely earned some soreness, some bruises on my chest, and some delightful fuzzy sleepiness… mmmmmmmmm.

But whatever did I do to my poor quads that they’re still so aggrieved?

  • Maybe it was all the measuring folx for their raffle tickets? Tongue to toe and inseam measurements both required some solid kneeling time …
  • Maybe it was being “forced” to my knees during my fantasy portrayal? Boot worship on a hard floor, while so satisfying, is a bit hard on the bod …
  • Maybe it was rocking out while watching Debauchery last night? My heart was definitely pretending to be dancing right alongside all that fabulousness …

At least since I’m moving today and tomorrow, my quads (and the rest of me) will get some good movement in to loosen things up. Silver linings, right? 😉




The speech I had to give yesterday as part of my title run popped into my brain as soon as I saw the prompt of the day. I didn’t have a chance to post it yesterday, and I did deviate a bit last night, but here it is!

It’s amazing that I’m standing here tonight, seeing as I only admitted to myself that I was kinky six months ago.

Luckily, my kinky explorations almost immediately lead me to the leather community and I quickly realised that leather, not just kink, is where I belong. Leather not only creates a safe space to play but it’s built on a set of core values that align with my own passions.

Unlike other aspects of kinky subculture, leather is about more than fun kinky things – it’s history and tradition, it’s service and education, it’s connection and community, it’s respect, and it’s honour.

Even in my short time, I’ve experienced first-hand how the leather community and its resources can support us when we encounter the unfortunate obstacles and pitfalls all too common in this world.

When I think about The Next Generation of Leather – I think about how the economic climate is making it harder to maintain our public spaces, how people need an escape – meaning the burden on those who do the work is that much heavier. Each of us has to follow through → to make a conscious decision to show up actively, to be accountable to ourselves and each other, to educate and support everyone involved. Leather can’t thrive without the next generation and the next generation can’t take this on without real service and support from the current one.

I am here tonight because I have so much to give Leather and a strong vision of the community that I want to build. I hope you’ll allow me the privilege to serve as your Ms. Alameda County Leather 2017.


The morning after

I’m thrilled to announce that I’ve been selected as Ms Alameda County Leather 2017! I’m honoured to have earned a working title and I have so many ideas and so much passion and so much energy that I want to pour into the leather community!


So many people came out last night in support and I get all tingly just thinking about it. There were many events last night competing for attention and there are no words to capture the level of appreciation and gratitude I have for all of those who decided to gift the Mr/Ms Alameda County Leather contest with their presence.


I had a total blast at the competition. My fantasy was so fun to create and left me melting into a puddle of girl goo. VC you were the smokin’ hot sadist professor of my dreams, KL I’m still giddy when I think of how you person-handled me, and J … those boots … that kick … Y’all fill me with SQEEEEEE! I’m glad that others seemed to enjoy it too, as so many people came up to me afterward to express their reactions to the hotness that I got all blushy.


Cheers to QW for the stories that gave me the balls to answer my pop up question honestly and to SC for presenting me with a celebratory cock that will make my answer a reality!


Getting there and getting ready, on top of all the other things in life, was frazzling as fuck. My perfectionism showed up in a big way, skipping along to the party holding hands with anxiety. Luckily my friend confidence came in at some point and bitch-slapped them both.

Confidence came in many forms last night and, while a significant chunk was internally generated, I am so thankful for VC and her calming influence, her reminders that the wonderful people gathered around me in support deserved to interact with my best self, and her all around awesomeness. I could not have asked for a better handler and the fact that she volunteered herself as soon as I decided to make a run for the title STILL blows my mind. I also want to thank her for putting the idea in my head in the first place!


I could not have done more than fantasise about a title run without MM and CDC in my corner. They are parts of my soul and it is so fulfilling to have them in my life! Both of them are incredible people and, while they’re not romantic partners, they are absolutely my primary intimate partners. CDC has shown up for me since the day we met, nearly 20 years ago, and in the past few years of our acquaintance MM has shown up for me in every way imaginable, through every crisis big and small.


Then there’s my new title mummy, Girl Complex. I totally feel like a lil girl playing dress up with shoes that are way too big for me to fill and I can only hope that I do her proud in my year. She is a constant source of inspiration and I was a fangirl LONG before the Ms. Alameda County Leather contest became part of my journey.


To everyone involved in Foundations who introduced me to Leather as a distinct concept from kink – thank you from the bottom of my leather heart. Thanks especially to KM, MJ, JN, DW, LP, MD, VC, JF, and C&S for the phenomenal ways you have shown up for me in the six months I’ve been with Foundations and for your ongoing friendship and support during the past few weeks.


To everyone involved in the Exiles who immediately brought me into the fold and seem to be just as excited to know me as I am to know them – thank you! Cheers to MH, PC, JC, and KL for the welcome I’ve received and the way y’all seem to know me so well already. Thanks especially to RS for giving of your time and your resources and your presence.

Everyone involved with the Alameda County Leather Corps, especially those running the contest last night, gave me so much love and help and almost none of them had even met me until yesterday. Much love to LBC, my new title GranBear, for all your advice and support!


My cup of gratitude runeth over. This is only a partial list and I’m feeling overwhelmed by the positive energy that these people have brought into my life. I’ve passed yet another mile marker on my path and I’m firmer in my convictions with every step. Leather is love.

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The full meaning still hasn’t quite hit me yet. Today is a day of rest. I’m somehow sore EVERYWHERE and it’s a delicious feeling, analogous to the morning after an incredible night of kink. Much like that sort of morning after, I find myself in need of aftercare – though in this case, I’m going for pure self-care. I’m writing to you now from a luxurious tub of Epsom salts. At some point I have to adult today but right now I’m riding my high and playing with bubbles!


Routine Variety

My psychology final is today and, of all the eye roll required classes I’ve ever suffered through, this class has been the worst. The reading materials are actually quite interesting and well-chosen so, since the class consists of discussing the readings in detail each week, I had some hope that this would actually be a fun class. Alas, it was not to be.

Our final is in two parts: 1) a log of our reactions to the readings and 2) a presentation of the things we do for self-care that might be applicable to a broader audience, ie things we could share with our patients once we become practitioners. I’ll be discussing five different things I do, and why they work, but the overarching theme of my presentation will be “find what works for you and do that.”

We often hear the slogan “variety is the spice of life” and, while I don’t deny that there is truth in it, it carries an implicit value judgement based on a fallacy. People seem to interpret it to mean that none of us will be satisfied, in a long-term fulfilment sort of way, with routine.

Don’t get me wrong – for me, for the way my brain works, I need periodic change in my life. This doesn’t have to be big sweeping change, and there does need to be some foundational same-same, but I do better with a regular influx of new. For example – I have long considered myself a lifetime learner and in the StrengthsFinder model, my second strongest quality is that of “Learner.” This doesn’t mean I need to be in formal classes all the time; it means that I need new ideas and perspectives and information to process on a regular basis. This is what works for me. That does not mean, however, that it works for everyone, and the more I think about the “spice of life” phrase the more I realise that it is better applied on the global instead of the local level.

You can absolutely find your spice in mixing things up. One joy of the internet is that there are a zillion lists out there with input on just how you can accomplish this. In some ways, this can be helpful. If you’re new to something and looking for recommendations, it’s nice to have some kind of filter as a jumping off point. Otherwise the vast array of choices can be overwhelming. The problem arises when the lists become hierarchies applied to topics, and people, on a general basis instead of being understood to apply to the person that created the list. We are surrounded by hierarchies insisting that the things on the “bottom” are bad and the things on the “top” are good.

Even the words ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ carry implicit value judgement to the point where in the kink world people who identify as bottoms (those who like to receive the action in a given moment) have long been seen as less-than or weaker-than those who identify as tops (those who like to perform the action in a given moment). The campaign to fix this problematic perception went too far in the other direction, to the point where there is a strong focus in newbie kink education around ensuring that the bottom is taken care of, both during and after the scene, and it is not uncommon to hear people explain that the bottom in the scene “holds all the power,” supposedly because the bottom can stop the action at any point. Instead of empowering bottoms to understand they are not less-than, this idea perpetuates the misconception that someone must have all the power / responsibility and removes the other person’s autonomy entirely.

In reality BOTH people (or however many people are playing in a given scenario) have the right to stop the action at any point and BOTH people need to be taken care of during and after. The idea is certainly not for the enjoyment of a given scene to be one-sided – BOTH people are getting something out of what is taking place. There are definitely people who enjoy gifting their autonomy to their partner for play and / or beyond (this is called power exchange or authority transfer). That doesn’t mean that the option to stop is removed from the person trusting the other with the choices in a scene or in life. Those scenarios only work when the partners establish the parameters up front while they’re both acting as autonomous individuals. Some people draft full legal contracts before entering into long-term versions of this sort of play because it is so critical that everyone involved understand those parameters explicitly.

“Wait a minute,” I hear you say, “I’m not kinky so how does this apply to me?” Well, some of the best spice out there comes from appreciating the mix of things around you and this is the bit that gets lost in the implicit value judgement – and flawed perceptions of topping vs bottoming is only one example of how problematic that can be.

Take books for example – there are all sorts of people who sneer at genre fiction, especially romance, because it isn’t “real” literature. As though you’re somehow not a worthy reader unless you’re diving deep into literary fiction – which is, quite frankly, not accessible to all readers. I’m an avid reader and I heartily endorse reading to anyone who will let me gush at them but the whole point is to find out what sort of reading the individual likes to do and encourage that. If they’re new to reading for pleasure, recommendations of personal favourites can absolutely give them a jumping off point but that’s all.

“Readers” come in all sorts and some of them (gasp!) don’t ever look at print. Not a fan of reading, or a slow reader whose mind moves faster than their eyes across the page? Check out audiobooks and get an app that allows you to change the speed to suit. Read ON! Prefer incredible art? Look into manga and comics and graphic novels. Read ON! Like reading magazines, especially the so-called “trashy” (value judgement alert) ones? Read ON! Like reading opinion pieces on the internet? Read ON! It honestly doesn’t matter what you read as long as it fulfills you.

Remember, spicy doesn’t have to mean hot – it often just means flavourful – so spice things up and gain a better appreciation for the variety of people and things already in your life. If you look around and the people and things in your life aren’t especially varied … take this opportunity to step out of your comfort zone a bit. Introduce yourself to someone new today and really listen to what they have to say. Read something in a format or genre you’ve never tried.